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Posts Tagged ‘babies out of wedlock’

Marriage. It’s one of those words that makes men squeamish and a word that can be downright depressing for women if they attach their pinnacle of success, acceptance and body clock to it.

It’s interesting to me how boys are raised to play the field and delay marriage as long as possible as if its some prison sentence that you commit to once you’ve lived the rest of your life. Girls however, even though we’re waiting longer and longer to commit, are given a million reasons not to play the field and often start to feel… shall we say inadequate when the people around them begin to take the plunge. The messages for each gender just aren’t stacking up.

Which is why, perhaps, America’s marriage rates are (and have been) on a serious decline. In a very general sense we don’t seem to be ready for the same things at the same ages.

I’ve often heard references to Chris Rock’s stand-up on marriage as well as his film I Think I Love My Wife. Both are hilarious by the way but I’m not sure these representations are helpful.

(If your ears are sensitive, don’t listen.)

Instead of talking about the benefits of marriage: tax breaks, stable home for children, double income and all around support, we as a society dive into this litany about what we’re giving up. It just seems that the more life choices we have, the more complicated we make things.

Yet we’re more willing than ever to consciously have babies out of wedlock. No judgment ethically but I’m interested to know why we’re ready to have a baby but not ready to get married.

Diddy, the bachelor with five biological kids, three baby mamas (one of which is his girl), and a well-known side piece, recently gave an interview with Extra saying he hasn’t married because he hasn’t found “the one” yet.

How can you have so much reverence for marriage but yet be so willing for your kids to grow up without ever having a clear picture of what a healthy relationship is? In Diddy’s case it’s downright selfishness.

“As far as me and marriage and finding true love, I haven’t found that,” Diddy said. “The whole thing of marriage has been, to me, abused. It’s something that looks good for the tabloids. You make $2 million selling your wedding pictures, and it makes you look cool to your girlfriends or guy friends. But are you happy inside?”

It seems like we all (Diddy included) directly tie our happiness to the person we decide to commit to, which makes me wonder if humans really do have an innate need to feel emotionally (maybe even spiritually) connected to another human being. Only that would explain to me why we can have a baby with someone and even love them but not be sure we want to be with them for the rest of our lives.

We’re just afraid of making the wrong choice. Even though it’s the marriage you can always get out of and not the baby. Yes, I know it’s not the way to go into a marriage but you have to admit the reality of its confinement.

Sure, some people are perfectly happy in a committed relationship but feel no need to marry. Fine. I’m not the marriage police and that’s not what this post is about. I’m just asking the questions.

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