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Posts Tagged ‘a writer’s life’

My mom turned 60 this year and we were talking about how fast time moves. She remembers being 33 looking at me as a newborn wondering what my life would be like in the future. We’ve all done it right? I remember being 16 in Mr. Guilfoyle’s Biology 3 class wondering where my life was going to be in ten years, knowing that it wouldn’t have anything to do with mitochondria. I was so haughty. I wanted to be an actress and couldn’t wait to escape the small thinking of Charlotte, North Carolina where I grew up.

As it turns out ten years later, while acting is still cool, I have zero tolerance for the broke artist lifestyle nor the last minute auditions with people who think they’re more important than they are. I’ve developed a distaste for self-importance whether it’s in the semi-corporate lifestyle I’ve chosen for the moment or in everyday life. and I wonder if my own failed dreams of my 16 year old self has come back to haunt me as anger towards anyone who is actually living theirs.

In reality, ten years later, I’m kind of in the same space I was then. Yes, a few things have changed- I have two degrees, I’m living in l.a., I’m employed in my field (no easy feat especially being a black female in this recession) but there’s still something missing. It’s like being in dress rehearsal mode wondering when the real show is going to start. Professionally, I’m doing well- writing gives me autonomy, something acting couldn’t do primarily because I knew I didn’t want to act out someone else’s vision. I didn’t want to be a piece of someone else’s puzzle. But I find myself still stuck in the same position, due to the demands of creditors, rent and well, my affinity for fine wine, food, conversation, vacations and… life in general. I guess we all are in some capacity.

The key is figuring out how to lead the life you want despite it. I figure that’s the only way out of the insanity of my twenties.

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